spring cleaning

The night that we moved into the house that we are now living in, Mike and I walked into the empty second bedroom, held each other and knew that this would be the first room our baby would ever have. Since that day, the room has never been empty again. We used it as storage and had planned to get it ready for baby later, after we had let everyone know that it was to be the nursery. 

After the loss, I could barely walk into that room. It remained in the same state for more than six months. But after 2015 came to a close, and I still wasn't feeling any closure, we decided that it was time to do something with the room that we didn't use. 

I knew that I couldn't have it empty. I could not just put everything away that had spent the last six months in there and look at that room like I saw it the first night. I could not let it be a blatant reminder of how I felt on the inside... completely empty. 

Mike and I talked about it and decided that we should turn it into a "guest room/ office." This we agreed upon, but I still needed motivation. I had been eyeing a dresser online that I had imagined for a nursery, but could transition into adulthood, so I bit the bullet. I ordered the dresser and set a delivery date. Well if strangers coming into your house is not motivation to clean out a room I don't know what is. 

So this week I took a step that has terrified me for months... and I only cried three times that day.

I will put this one in the win column.